cobbler's haven

Blast

2008-11-05T11:51:00.000-08:00

Like a bomb that explode, it was already confirmed that he was married. At first I was hesitant to believe him. I thought he was just joking. It was an unexpected call from him after few days that I have not heard anything from his side...

Blank...

I don't know what to say exactly that time. I even shouted to him and told him to stop fooling me. Then the girl was talking... The girl confirmed that they just got married. Friendly that I am, though there was already pain in my heart, I feel numb, can't remember anything but I even uttered the words 'Best Wishes' and 'Congratulations!'

It was Grishma, I was not so familiar with her voice but I heard a lot of stories about her. She was Amrit's girlfriend before and Amrit's wife now...

Bomb! Am I dreaming? Was it true? Everything happened so fast. What will happen when he comes back? I can not bring back the times that we can be together, talk and laugh. Can't say if I can take seeing him again... I was just deeply hurt. My heart is paining...

Sentimentality

2008-11-04T10:00:00.000-08:00

My sentimentality arrives. It was early morning when I did open my play list, guess what are the songs I have played? Christmas songs... it was the perfect start for me to hear such kind of songs. It was so refreshing, my mood has elevated and since I want to start a brand new day, forget about some other things and divert the feelings into more meaningful one.

Family means a lot to me. I have always wanted to see them happy and let them feel that I just loved them so much. I just miss my sister and her cute little daughter. I called her later in the afternoon and heard some exciting stories. She just told me that she's waiting the day that I am about to come home. Talk more... Laugh more.

Forget being so sentimental about love affairs at least for a day. It was indeed a wonderful moment to be far away from that kind of thing. Put time for family. They are there when you need them... They will always be there to care. When I am almost lost and don't know where to go, my sister is on the rescue to lift up my spirit! She's there to bring up the best in me. I think this is the best day to thank my sister for always being there.

Letter to my sister:

Dear Sis,

When I'm almost down, you were there to lift up my spirit. You bring out the best in me.
Thank you for the so many things that you have provided me. For all the simple things that you have given, for the pieces of advice and for the warmth of your love.

This is your day! If only I can be there at your side, I would wanted to hug you and tell you how happy I am to have you as my sister.

I love you sis. These words are not enough to express how grateful I am.

Love Won't Eat Me

2008-11-03T11:57:00.000-08:00

Love won't eat me anymore. But never will I hate it... The show must go on, life is still beautiful after all. I may be too sentimental enough to be eaten by the circumstances and situation but it was long enough that I had prepared for it. Accepting all the facts behind all the truth is the only thing I can do...

Love won't eat me... No offline messages, no e-mails, no SMS, no calls and so? I maybe affected but what can I do? I don't want to be miserable just because the person I love the most, the person whom I thought will always be there will not care at all. I need to broaden the spectrum of my mind, I don't want to be over acting on these things, after all, it's part of the game. The game may be over, call it quits!

Love won't eat me. Love will hurt but never be strong enough to swallow whatever feelings left on me. It made me stronger. Love won't eat me. I will not be hurt. I will only cry...

La Vida en Principio de Equilibrio

2008-11-02T10:47:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, even if we try to look something good on the outside, we cannot hide what we have in the inside. People around you will tell how pleasant you are but they don’t really know what you feel within.

Life is mischievous sometimes but phenomenal in the other way around. We cannot dictate or even foretell what will happen in the next chapter but as we go through the subsequent episode it becomes more exciting and terrifying.

Right now, I am in my depressing moment of my life. It is really hard to be far away from your family and friends whom you used to share your laughter and tears. Although I am with my special someone during the night, still thoughts of my dear ones just pop-out in my mind.

Life exists not because we wanted for material delight but rather we wanted to sense all the extreme feelings… happiness, exhilaration, sorrow and grief. We live because we want to satisfy our wants, to be happy and experience some pain.

I exist because God has wanted me to learn every lessons. For every chapter of my life, HE has taught me that for every pain, I gain and for every laughter, I cry. There is some sort of neutral phenomenon that happens. That’s life. There is positive and negative, black and white, good and bad… Everything follows a common principle of balance equation. There is always a reaction for every force applied. We have to be strong, there should be enough tensile strength in me otherwise I will be broken if I cannot carry the load.

Confused Soul

2008-11-01T13:14:00.000-07:00

This would be one of the most memorable high lights of my life…to start blogging to gain a little panacea for all the things that brought me confusion. I am so confused with what I really wanted to have in my life and sometimes I wonder why I am becoming like this…It is just a question of being satisfied with what i have right now or what i truly feel. Ah! That’s life and that’s the real thing…

It has been one year already since I have started writing a book with a title ” Bakit Berde ang Kulay ng Aking Dugo ?” with an English translation of “Why am I Green-Blooded?”, i just had to stop finishing it because the flow of my life has just changed and because again, I am a little bit confuse of what I really need to tell about myself. The book is actually my autobiography and I have never intend to broadcast my life…as a matter of fact it contains sensitive stories that would shock my family and the entire community!

Along with that book is another story entitled ” Of Dreams, Reality and Pride” which is actually intended to inspire people…but later on, I just have to cancel and stop… Then, I have this concept of making a story entitled ” Kathmandu: Love Knows No Limits” but there was this movie “Batanes: Love Knows No Boundaries”, it’s like a similar theme but mine would focus on how I inspired one lonely soul from Kathmandu, a Nepali of course and how my life turned out to be colorful…

So many stories, so many things undone…this is actually my life! It is a portrayal of how I manage myself, always a start but has no definite end…

On this moment, I have just to enjoy myself with someone I have just loved so much and I know the status of our relationship. Yes, we are friends but I don’t see that…I am convinced that he is more than a friend to me but I know he can’t be mine…So sad to think of that but I am just enjoying the present…

Confused! That’s me… There are so many questions that bother me so much and I ended up asking the usual questions again and again and I never stop thinking…